Why We Dont Value Marriage As Millenials

Why many millennials are saying ‘no’ to marriage

By Lineo Segoete on July 12, 2016 — We are a generation that banks on an exit strategy. We are aware of how dynamic the world we live in is. In addition to being spoilt and indecisive, we are taking a little longer to grow up. Marriage is not a priority for us.

As we become more liberated and cultural restrictions become more relaxed in the 21st century, marriage is fast becoming a contentious issue for the millennial generation. Observations of how many people are not committed to the institution of marriage, visibly unhappy homes and high divorce rates are all prompting a high percentage of today’s youth to start questioning their own views on the rite of passage that is holy matrimony. Yes, the romantic among us still dream of one day tying the knot with our significant other, but many of the current generation are in no rush to walk down the aisle. Our elders complain that we have been corrupted by Western cultures, while we feel other aspects of our lives, for example careers and self-actualisation, deserve priority.

Women are not living in the past

In colonial and pre-colonial times, young girls were usually married off by the time they were 13 or 14. It was considered a disgrace to their families if they were still unwed by their 25th birthday. Marriage came with the condition that women were considered minors legally, they became their husbands’ possessions and had no rights. In Sesotho culture, if a woman were widowed she was passed on to a male sibling or relative of her husband as a form of protecting the lineage and ensuring that she and her children were taken care of. Most women did not really have a say in the matter, except those in more liberal families, who allowed her such privilege. Still, she remained under the custody of her late husband’s family until her own death. For women living in the more rural areas, this is still the case.

Love is no longer enough

Marriage is no longer a prerequisite for a woman to have an identity as a person or adult, let alone for security. Many want more from their lives than staying at home and bearing children while they enjoy the comforts their husbands provide for them. Love is no longer enough; women now desire to preserve their space as individuals, in spite of being in a committed relationship. They want the freedom to dictate their own affairs and some, having been exposed to the struggles their own mothers went through in marriage, have set different standards for themselves. The high numbers of failed marriages are not helping either. As a result, many women would rather get to know a person and be financially stable in their own right before they take the big leap in case things don’t work out.

Old versus new

One might argue that divorce was unheard of in African culture during the times of our grandparents and those who came before them. A primary factor was that elders had a stake in deciding on a suitable partner for their child, whereas now, a couple first makes the decision themselves. As for our parents’ generation, too many of them subjected their children to witnessing loveless cohabitation simply for the sake of saving face or ‘for the kids’. The toxic environment fashioned by that behaviour unwittingly turned us into a generation of sceptics.

It does not help that the ‘hookup’ culture is on the rise. Men are quite at ease with having a string of lovers, both past and present, yet they hope to find a woman ‘virtuous’ enough to settle down with. Their advantage is that they are given a pass through such attitudes and beliefs as ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘papa is a rolling stone’. Let a woman behave the same way and she is judged and condemned. Out of irritation, feeling used and manipulated, and sometimes a false sense of empowerment, women in turn are growing more audacious about their sexual endeavours. Phrases such as ‘do it like a man’ or ‘I don’t need a man’ are becoming dangerously popular among the younger generation. The unfortunate side effect of these trends is that children are being born to single mothers and have absent fathers.

At the end of the day we are a generation that likes to know we have a way out. We are bold. We love and appreciate our parents and their parents for what they have done for us, but we do not want to follow in their footsteps, with a repeat of their mistakes and compromised happiness. We would rather feel the pride of responsibility, not its burden. Yet some of our generation still want to get married as a celebration of love and companionship, to become a team for a lifetime and stay true to the old-fashioned way of doing things (with a dash of innovation, of course).. And that is perfectly okay

The Husband👨

 

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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives.” So dear Muslim brother! Your obligations towards your wife are not limited to earning money and supporting her financially. A wife needs love from her husband, and emotional support too!

Here are 10 points to take into account..

1) DRESS UP FOR YOUR WIFE:- look clean and smell good. Remember that our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2) CALL HER WITH THE SWEETEST NAMES:- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt her feelings. Love her unconditionally for the sake of Allah.image

3) REWARD HER ACTIONS:- Recognise all the good that she does and focus on that. Whenever there is a fight or argument, just remember all the things she does for you. she cooks for you, she takes care of your home, she takes care of your children and the most important thing is that she guards her modesty. So do not upset her if she is upset with you. Only your love can repel her anger. Communicate with her and discuss with her if there are any misunderstandings.IMG-20151123-WA0011

4) REMAIN SILENT:- If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways our Prophet (peace be upon him) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives. Do not criticise her all the time. If she is doing something that you don’t like, or that goes against the teachings of Islam, then do advice her gently.

5) SMILE:- Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Tell her often that you are very happy and blessed to have her. A wife always wonder how her husband feels about her. She may have some insecurity about you, so make her feel secure.6tag_100316-221927[1]

6) ACKNOWLEDGE HER:- Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Remember, in Islam, everyday is special. So celebrate wife’s day with her, and do it very often without having a particular date.IMG-20151022-WA0041

7) TAKE CARE OF HER DURING HER PREGNANCY AND BREASTFEEDING:- Offer extra moral and physical support during these difficult phases in her life. Don’t feel your manly ego busted if you have to give the baby its bottle or pacify it, while she attends to an older child or her own genuine needs. Be a alert and hands-on father; this attribute will make her love you even more!

8) VALIDATE HER FEELINGS:- Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. If there is a time of sadness, give her your shoulder to cry on. Hold her and tell her that everything will be fine.

9) HAVE FUN:- Be humorous and play games with her. Take our Prophet (peace be upon him) would race his wife Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) in the desert. She appreciates a husband with a good sense of humour, one that tells her decent and modest jokes to make her smile. Indulge in playing various games with the kids and involve her too.

10) BE THE BEST HUSBAND:- Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.”
She is your best friend, girlfriend and soul mate. Share everything with her. Remember she is your garment and you are her garment, so hide her faults and mistakes. Learn to forgive her. Respect her parents and show your love to her family. This will inspire her to love and respect your family. If her family is not muslim, do dawah to them in a beautiful way.IMG-20151120-WA0028[1]

……….And most importantly spend lots of time praying to Allah (during night & day). Do fast often even if it is not Ramadan. Lead her in the prayer. There is nothing better than praying together. Remember Allah, so that Allah remembers you……….

May Allah bless every marriage.. Aameen

7 Ways to Play Nice With Others

Remember your kindergarten report card, when you were evaluated on things like your ability to follow directions, name the colors, and sing the alphabet? It also included an early assessment of a skill that would influence your success for the rest of your life: the ability to “play well with others.” The criteria were pretty basic at the time: share, wait your turn, don’t hit or yell, help when someone is struggling. As you grow up, many of the same basic principles apply, but situations can be much more complicated for adults to play well together and still achieve desired results.

Context and personal needs often create internal conflict when trying to weigh the needs of the few against the good of the whole. And as a leader, sometimes you have to make a conscious choice to make others unhappy. Still, with a little finesse, you can meet objectives and still all play in a happy sandbox. You may not satisfy everyone all of the time, but then working together to resolve conflicts, rather than just being pleasant all of the time, can make a team stronger.IMG-20151120-WA0028

Here are seven ways to apply what you learned in the playroom to the boardroom and beyond.

1. Be truthful.

I personally find it fascinating that as kids, people are constantly taught not to lie and yet somehow as many get older sharing truth becomes harder and more rare. Of course many people believe they are honest and don’t usually lie just to get what they want, or to avoid getting in trouble. But those same people who claim to have integrity will let their colleagues and employees head off a cliff rather than say something that might offend. Of course, you don’t have to say everything that comes to mind (like a kindergartener would). And you certainly shouldn’t be unkind in your delivery. But direct honesty in most cases will solve problems quicker and earn you respect with others on the team. Discretion will help avoid hurt feelings or unnecessary social awkwardness.

2. Be fair.

Studies have recently shown that cheating is at an all time high among top ranked colleges. That means that you are likely surrounded by people in your office who don’t believe in playing fair. While it’s true that many don’t get caught right away, the odds eventually catch up. And it only takes one time doing something dishonest to be branded a cheater and lose the trust of your team. Don’t cheat to find a quicker path to success or a short cut past unpleasant tasks. You also want to be careful about playing favorites for the wrong reasons. This doesn’t mean you can’t seek efficiency or bypass bureaucracy when occasion demands. You know where the line is and why you shouldn’t cross it; listen to your inner preschool teacher’s voice.

3. Ask questions.

On the playground, kids don’t automatically assume that someone else has all the answers. They unabashedly ask until they have clarity and understanding. There is nothing worse than heading down an unproductive path because you were too shy to ask, or worse, you simply jumped to conclusions. Encourage your own. Admit when you don’t know something. Eagerly, energetically ask for clarifications and explanations, then listen to the answers.

4. Play nicely.

You can’t always choose who comes to a public playground and unless it’s your company, you won’t always get a say in who your team members are. You don’t have be friends with everybody. You don’t even have to like everybody. But there is no need to foster unnecessary conflict. A variety of personalities and types can add differing perspectives to help make a team more productive. Nobody is perfect. Engage your tolerance so you can show respect, make space, and cooperate. Do it well and everyone else may show their tolerance for your annoying idiosyncrasies as well.

5. Let things go.

The only one who suffers from a grudge is the person holding it. Make a concerted effort to address the conflict as it occurs. Then learn to let the small things go. This doesn’t mean you have to be gullible or foolish. You don’t have to play Charlie Brown to anyone else’s Lucy. But don’t waste your time on festering resentment or people who continually let you down. Resolve the conflict or walk away and move on so you can focus on doing your best work.

6. Try and try again.

When you are young you feel resilient and invincible. That very feeling caused me to jump from the top of a jungle gym and split open my chin. But sure enough, after I got my stitches out I was right back on the jungle gym (a little wiser this time.) Toddlers fall down constantly. Then they get back up and run. The older you get, the more you remember falling hurts and the more willing you are to stay on the ground. Resist that temptation. Be willing to try and fail, and try again. If something doesn’t work out, take stock and move on.

7. Say you’re sorry.

Apologizing was hard to do when you were five and your Dad was standing next to you. It is even harder to do when some adult isn’t compelling you. But a sincere apology often goes a long way to making things right. If you have made a mistake, have the humility and generosity of the spirit to admit it. And make an effort to do it in person rather than an email. Of course a hand written card is also nice.

 

 

BY KEVIN DAUM

Inc. 500 entrepreneur and best-selling author

 

On The Other side of Karma

A Positve Karma
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10 years ago, Diego Simeone played alongside Fernando Torres at Atlectico Madrid in Spain.
Then, Torres was the club captain despite  being far younger than Simeone; Torres was in charge of the dressing room in the absence of the coaches. He was so influential that he even had a say on the team selection.
Fast forward 10years later, Diego Simeone is now Fernando Torres coach. This came at a point when Torres had journeyed from Spain to England & Italy with his career almost dead as he has being rejected by Chelsea & A/c Milan bt Diego Simeone brought him back to Atlectico Madrid & thus resuscitated his career.
Now………
If Torres was rude or disrespectful to Simeone as the captain 10years ago, would he have had the opportunity to play at the 2016 UEFA champion league finals?
In 2005, Diego Simeone was under Torres .He did what Torres ordered.
In 2016, Torres now takes orders from Simeone.
Life is like a COIN thrown up in the air, you can’t really predict which side will turn up.
No one stays TOP FOREVER
NO one knows TOMORROW
You might be the BOSS today bt when tomorrow comes someone you “BOSSED” might become your BOSS.
In 1985, Dazuki arrested Buhari
In 2016, Buhari arrested Dazuki
Also In 1995, Al MUSTAPHA arrested Obasanjo on the orders of Late General Sanni Abacha
In 1999, Obasanjo arrested Al Mustapha & he spent 8years in jail.IMG-20160711-WA0027[1]

LESSON:
Treat everyone with respect because there will always be a TOMORROW
A BOSS today might become a SUBORDINATE tomorrow
……. Always use your POWER & POSITION cautiously & for d benefit of all
……. Always stand for what is RIGHT, FAIR & JUST.
Like MUGABE said………..
……. Treat the towel with care because the same place you use in cleaning your bottom today might be the same place you will use in cleaning your face tomorrow.
Food for thought……….

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